LYRICS / CREDITS

 

BORN AT THE DISCO (KIAM RECORDS, 2021)

Produced by Jennifer O’Connor and Tom Beaujour

Recorded by Jennifer O’Connor at home in Nyack, NY and by Tom Beaujour at Nuthouse Recording in Union City, NJ

Mixed by Tom Beaujour. Mastered by Jeff Lipton and Maria Rice at Peerless Mastering, Boston, MA

All songs by Jennifer O’Connor, 2021, Truth Love Work Music (ASCAP) Administered by Compositions of Rough Trade Publishing

All instruments, drum programming, vocals and other sounds by Jennifer O’Connor

Album design and layout: Lysa Opfer. Cover photo by Jennifer O’Connor

Born At the Disco

You were born at the disco
Plastic headphones in your ears
You born in the music
Some things never get to be clear
Like this

You were born in the magic
After school radio haze
Closed the door on the absent
Memorized words and plotted ways
Such bliss
Like this 

I just wanted you to love me
Singing “Guilty” into the stereo
Swinging me upside down
Singing, always singing

You were born at the disco
All alone with your thoughts
Walking through every doorway
That didn’t mean to do you harm
Like this


Who Can You Kiss

What do you know about this?
What do you know about this?
What do you know about this?
What do you know?
Who can you kiss?

It’s a wave
Take it away

What do you know about this?
What do you know?
Who can you kiss?
What do you know about this?

All for the show
All for the click

It’s a wave
Just go away

Crimes

I was going out of my mind
Do you know how that feels?
Barely keeping up with these crimes
I couldn’t tell what was real
And what was you
Losing you
Losing me too
What was I supposed to do?

I never thought it’d really come to this
I never thought the day would really come
And then it came
Shaking and wet
Elevator down
Into a sickening regret
That I never knew you
I never knew you
I could have known you

Why didn’t you want to try?
What was really on your mind?
All of those years hiding
Hiding inside

Less And Less

It’s looking more and more and more like less and less
Affectations making the front page
We’re all so easily undressed
Everyone loves you and your pretty smile
But you haven’t felt pretty in awhile

They’re handing out hopes and dreams and schemes
At the entrance to your gym
You’ve got a million and one ideas
But you’re always spread too thin
Everyone loves you and you’re such a mess
But baby what they don’t know I can guess

I just keep living in my head and wasting the best of my days
I’m so tired of myself and this never-ending phase
Of running circles around everything that stands in my way
What stands in my way? 
What stands in my way?

Carrying You

Will you come back as a friend?
Come back for the end?
Please come back don’t leave me here alone
At least look me in the eye
Look me in the eye
Call it what it is

I’m so tired of being strong
Then being treated like I’m wrong
I’m so tired of carrying all the weight
Carrying all your hate
Then carrying you
All of you

How do I make myself clear?
How do I go on from here?
I don’t want your kind of love
It needs me small and scared
It thinks I’m unprepared
We both know I was the one

And I’m so tired of being strong
Then being treated like I’m wrong
I’m so tired of carrying all the weight
Carrying all your hate
Then carrying you
All of you


Lucky Life

It’s a lucky life 
How did we get to this place?
In this lucky life
Years of repair and replace 

I want to spend all of the days that I have left with you 
I will be so lucky if that’s what I get to do  

It’s a lucky life
All these words that we speak
In this lucky life
They’re in the air
Then out of reach

I used to be so afraid but I’m leaving that behind
We have worked too hard to waste any more time 

You have taught me so much
Every day we have Is a day I don’t want to rush
I’m so much happier now
Standing on shaky ground
The truth makes a steady sound 

It’s a lucky life
Now that I know what I need
I just keep showing up
And it’s all inside of me 

I want to spend all of the days that I have left with you
I will be so lucky if that’s what I get to do


Pretty Girls

But you’re such pretty girls
I would understand if you weren’t such pretty girls
You’re such pretty girls
I would understand if you weren’t such pretty girls

I want you to get married
I want you to get married and have kids
I want you to get married
I want you to get married and have kids

What did I do wrong? What?
What did I do wrong? What?
What did I do wrong?
What did I do wrong?

You’re such pretty girls
I would understand if you weren’t such pretty girls
You’re such pretty girls
I would understand if you weren’t such pretty girls


Tell The Truth

I was hiding in plain sight
Now there’s nothing to make right
Are you forever done with pleasing everyone?

You were looking for someone
Easy to run from
And I was your guy
All the stars in the sky collide and align

But now you can just tell the truth
You can just tell the truth
Oh, you can just let them be disappointed
If that’s what they have to do
Baby it’s not on you
You can just let them be disappointed

You were hiding in plain sight
You took your turn in the spotlight
Are you forever done with pleasing everyone?

I was looking at your face
It looked like my own face
Forever done with trusting anyone

But now we can just tell the truth
Oh, baby just tell the truth
You can just let them be disappointed
Oh yeah it’s not on you
You can just tell the truth
You can just let them be disappointed
You can just let them be

I was hiding in plain sight
Now there’s nothing to make right
Yeah I’m forever done with pleasing anyone

Your Job Is Gone

Your job
Your job’s gone
Your house
Your home
Your bed of nails
Your martyr’s throne
Your job
Your job’s gone

What will you do?
Now that your job is through?
What will you do?
Now that your job is you?

Your job
Your job’s gone
Your house
Your home
Your bed of nails
Your martyr’s throne
Your job
Your job’s gone

What will you do?
Now that your job is through?
What will you do?
Now that your job is you?

Don’t you want to know
What’s on the other side
Of a worried mind?
Don’t you want to try?
Don’t die inside
Don’t you die inside too

Your job
Your job’s gone
Your house
Your home
What will you do?
Now that your job is through
What will you do?
Now that your job is you
Your job is gone
Your job is gone
Your job is gone
Your job is gone

Real Chance

You were in my dream last night
I opened a door and there you were
How could I ever lose so much
And just keep coming back for more

If chances are what you make them
I made mine lost, afraid and wasted
I guess I thought I’d figure it out
But bad questions gave way to bigger doubts

What does a real chance look like to me?
What does a real chance look like?
Is it expensive or is it free?
Am I way too late?
Is there an expiration date?
What does a real chance look like to me?

If i could somehow change the past
Keep your car in the driveway
Bring us back to Valley Road
Keep us all together safe

Make it so the others understood
I was never out to win
Didn’t think I was better or worse
I was just looking for a friend

What does a real chance look like to me?
What does a real chance look like?
Now that I've set myself free
Who do i want to be?
What do i really need?
What does a real chance look like to me?


 

SURFACE NOISE (KIAM RECORDS, 2016)

Produced by Jennifer O’Connor & Tom Beaujour
Recorded & mixed by Tom Beaujour at Nuthouse Recording, Hoboken, NJ, All songs by Jennifer O’Connor, Truth Love Work Music (ASCAP) Administered by Compositions of Rough Trade Publishing

MOUNTAINS

Going home where it’s over
Where it’s ending
And I’m not scared
’Cause I’m not unprepared

Take your mark
Shoot that arrow in my heart
I’m not scared
And I’m not running

Every day feeling fine
In the mountains of my mind
You can pick all you want
It just grows back
It always grows back

Going home you can’t stop me
I can’t stop you too
And I’m not scared
Cause I’m not unprepared

Take your mark
Shoot those arrows at my heart
I’m not scared
And I’m not running

Every day feeling fine
In the mountains of my mind
You can pick all you want
It just grows back
It always grows back
It always….

Jennifer O’Connor – vocals, organ, guitar, melodica Jon Langmead - drums
James McNew – bass
Tom Beaujour – guitar

 

START RIGHT HERE

Start right here
Start right now
Your greatest fear
Your biggest doubt
Will try to break you down
Push you around
Shout and swear
Only to disappear for a minute

But you start right here
Anyway, every day
And it’s real
Realer than the wins and losses too
Realer than the heat I placed on you
You push away the pain and you stay true
True to the day
And move through every hour
Like a storm that strikes and fades

Start right here
Start right now
Your greatest fear
Your biggest doubt
Will try to break you down
Push you around
Shout and swear
Only to disappear
Start right here
Start right now

Jennifer O’Connor – vocals, guitars
Jon Langmead – drums
James McNew – bass

FALLING FEELING

You are the one that I never knew I needed
I had it all or so it seemed but looks can be deceiving
So don’t go away now
I finally found out
’Cause I was a girl who was not so sure of love
You came along, you proved me wrong
Now I cannot get rid of

This falling falling
My mind is reeling
And the stars in the sky they burn brighter when I’m with you
And the sun always shines from this brand new point of view

So don’t go away now
I finally found out
I finally found out
That you are the one I needed all along

Jennifer O’Connor – vocals, guitars, piano

 

IT’S A LIE

All the things you think you can’t change
All the love you had but let fade
It’s a lie a lie a lie a lie a lie a lie
It’s a lie a lie a lie a lie a lie a lie

All the things you think you can’t change
All the love you had but let fade
It’s a lie a lie a lie a lie a lie a lie
It’s a lie a lie a lie a lie a lie a lie

You keep on running away
And nobody knows what to say
Everything’s feeling so strange
It’s a lie

All the things you think you can’t change
All the love you had but let fade
It’s a lie a lie a lie a lie a lie a lie
It’s a lie a lie a lie a lie a lie a lie

Jennifer O’Connor – vocals, drum programming, guitar
Jon Langmead – drums
James McNew – bass

 

THE ROAD

Where do you go when the road ahead just ends
’Cause you’ve made the same wrong turn over and over again
It took some time if you only knew
All the disappointments a girl can get used to

All of my love (all of my love)
All of pain (all of my pain)
All that I gave to you
That was taken in vain
And I want the truth (I want the truth)
But I can’t get past (I can’t get past)
Every little lie
Every compromise
I can’t win this time

Where do you go when the road ahead just bends
It’s got you spinning round
You’re bracing for the great descend
You think you’ve had enough
And you’re ready to give in
Oh honey turn around walk with your back to the wind

All of my love (all of my love)
All of pain (all of my pain)
All that I gave to you
That was taken in vain
And I want the truth (I want the truth)
But I can’t get past (I can’t get past)
Every little lie
Every compromise
I can’t win this time

What do you do when the road ahead begins
The same place that it ended and you have to start again

Jennifer O’Connor – vocals, guitars

 

STANDING FOR NOBODY

I don’t know which way I’m going
I suppose I should be knowing
I’d wait and see but my neck is breaking and
Finally I feel like taking a bow

Traffic moves
Its never ending
Reds and blues
You are done pretending
I’d pull your suitcase but
The sidewalk’s ending
Where will you go now?

I won’t stop you
I know what you’re up to
And it’s ok with me
What was so easy to get to
It’s not that easy to sit through
When you’re standing for nobody

It’s a case of structural damage
A bad frame and an early marriage
Of the wrong ideas and mismanagement
I love you and that is the best sentiment I can give
To you and to myself

I won’t stop you
I know what you’re up to
And it’s ok with me
What was so easy to get to
It’s not that easy to sit through
When you’re standing for nobody
Standing for nobody

Jennifer O’Connor – vocals, guitars, mellotron

 

TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED

Have you lost the plot
What have you forgotten
Time is not your friend
And you’ve been feeling rotten

What will wake you finally
Will it be an ending
Or will it be a story
Or will it be the sun
Shining brighter than you’ve ever seen

Tell me what you need
Tell me what you need
Tell me what you need
And I’ll tell you what I see

Jennifer O’Connor – vocals, drum programming, keyboards, melodica
Jon Langmead – drums
James McNew – bass
Tom Beaujour – guitar

 

DOWN TO THE WIRE

I’m not sure how but you’ve done it again
I let you back inside and you’re all moved in

And it’s down to the wire
Down to the wire
Down to the wire again
Down to the wire
Down to the wire
Down to the wire
The end

You sure know when it’s time to leave
You sure are good at all this make believe

And now it’s down to the wire
Down to the wire
Down to the wire
Again
Down to the wire
Down to the wire
Down to the wire
The end
Down to the wire
Down to the wire
Again

Down to the wire
Down to the wire
Down to the wire
The end

Jennifer O’Connor – vocals, guitars, organ
Jon Langmead – drums
Tom Beaujour - bass

IT’S GONNA GET WORSE

It’s gonna get worse before it gets better
That’s the truth and I know it hurts
It’s gonna get worse before it gets better
I wish I had something else that works

Tell me why you stand there
Staring at your feet
Tell me why you
Stand there sitting like a baby

Take out the trash
Take out the trash
It’s gonna get worse before it gets better
Uh huh uh huh

Fill up the spaces that’s why they are there
Put down the appetites and pick up the hot air
It’s gonna get worse before it gets better
Just love it, touch it, be its friend
It doesn’t matter how or where it ends

It’s gonna get worse
Much much worse
It’s gonna get worse before it gets better
Before it gets better
Uh huh uh huh

Jennifer O’Connor – vocals, guitars
Jon Langmead – drums
Tom Beaujour – bass guitar

 

YOU’RE NOT THERE

I go out every day
I see things I cannot say
Two good words about
So I go home
Put my head down
Stare at the phone

You’re not there
You’re not there
You’re not coming back
And I’m so scared
You’re not there
You’re not there
You’re not coming back
And I…

There’s no end to it
It just is
There’s no bend
There’s no give
There’s no right
There’s no wrong
There’s no singer
There’s no song

You’re not there
You’re not there
You’re not coming back
And I’m so scared
You’re not there
You’re not there
You’re not coming back
And I am…

Jennifer O’Connor- vocals, guitar, piano, mellotron, drum programming
Jon Langmead – drums

DON’T TALK TO ME

I need to get off of this ride
It seemed like a good idea at the time
Spinning and sailing through the sky
Now all I can do is cry out

Don’t talk to me don’t talk to me
Don’t talk to me don’t talk to me
All of these crazy thoughts trying to pull me apart again
Don’t talk to me don’t talk to me

I want to be pure and clear and free
I want to stop fighting needlessly
Put down the past just let it be
But I never can wait to find out

So don’t talk to me don’t talk to me
’Cause I can’t breathe no I can’t breathe
All of these crazy thoughts trying to pull me apart again
Don’t talk to me don’t talk to me

It’s not always easy to tell
The friend from the ne’er do well

Don’t talk to me don’t talk to me
Don’t talk to me don’t talk to me
All of these crazy thoughts trying to pull me apart again
Don’t talk to me don’t talk to me

Jennifer O’Connor – vocals, guitars, Wurlitzer, piano, percussion
Jon Langmead – drums
Tom Beaujour – bass guitar

 

BLACK SKY BLANKET

Why try
It’s a black sky blanket
Covering eyes
Breaking ties
Yours and mine

New hope
For the misanthrope
Love true love
A sigh from above
Comes warm like a drug

Time meets me halfway most days
And I’ve still got so much more
I want to hear and say

Goodbye
Falling sky
Terror trial
Nervous smile
Oh I’ll see you in awhile

Time still meets me halfway most days
And I’ve still got so much more
Time meets me halfway most days
And I’ve still got so much more
I want to hear and say

Jennifer O’Connor – vocals, guitar, piano, mellotron
Jon Langmead – drums
Tom Beaujour – guitar & bass

I WANT WHAT YOU WANT
(KIAM RECORDS, 2011)

Produced by Jennifer O’Connor & Tom Beaujour. Recorded & Mixed by Tom Beaujour at Nuthouse Recording, Hoboken, NJ, All songs by Jennifer O’Connor, Truth Love Work Music (ASCAP) Administered by Compositions of Rough Trade Publishing

ANOTHER DAY

My friend I always thought
You’d find your way out
Oh another day
So many other ways

My friend my confidante
I want what you want
Oh another day
So many other ways
We can change

My friend I always thought
My friend I always thought

Oh another day
So many other ways 
We can change

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar

ALREADY GONE

It's been a long time, hasn't it
We walked a fine line under it
For so long
I'd like to understand but I'm already gone

Everyone got old, didn't they
Calloused and so cold
All the way down every day
I'd like to talk to you but I'm turning my face away

Every day has it's ending
(Just like every day before)
All I want now is to stop pretending
(I just can't do it anymore)
Turn the light out and we'll go
We'll go to sleep.

It's been a long time, hasn't it?
We walked a long time under it
So long
I'd like to understand but I'm already gone
I'd like to understand but I'm already gone

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, electric guitar
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass
Amy Bezunartea - background vocals


7/12/09

Pick your heart up off the ground
Drag yourself all over town
No one understands you now
Like you need them too

Off to work again you go
Fall in the only way you know
The kind of love you want to know
You can't abide

So what is it really
What are you really looking for

Every minute you're alone
In every place that you’ve called home
With every song you set the tone
For loneliness

So what is it really
What are you really looking for

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitar
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass


YOU COME AROUND

You come around
You tell me it's tough
You tell me I don't understand
And you are right

You come around
You tell me so and so
You give me nothing I can work with
So i'm letting you go

This is the last place in a long line
There was something back there
But it's been a long time
It's been a really long time

You come around 
Like everything is good
Like everything is working out
Just like you knew it would

You come around
’Cause that's just what you do
But i don't recognize you as the person
I once knew

This is the last place in a long line
There was something back there
But it's been a long time
It's been a really long time.

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, electric guitar
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass
Amy Bezunartea - electric guitar, background vocals


HIDDEN HILL

The pond was frozen
We walked out on it
The days never ended
Like movies or television

We were suspended 
Up in the air
We fell like children
But we didn't care

I know a place where the time stands still
Everything exactly as it seems
Meet me on top of that hidden hill
We'll live together in our dreams

We built an igloo 
At the end of a cold streak
An army of snowmen
Surrounding our icy fortress

I was a captain
Commanding my time
We were a family
Falling in line

I know a place where the time stands still
Everything exactly as it seems
Meet me on top of that hidden hill
We'll live together in our dreams.

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass
Tom Beaujour - electric guitar
Amy Bezunartea - backing vocals, harmonica


SWAN SONG (FOR BELLA)

If I stop too long to think
Nothing good can come from that
And if I wait too long to make this move
The one I can't take back

You don't have to tell me
That I am running scared
I am fully present
I am totally aware

And nothing's gonna break
Nothing's gonna break us down

I don't know any more 
Than I did way back then
Just that I am done with moving 
In the wrong direction

You don't have to tell me
How it's going to end
I have seen the signposts
And some things I wouldn't recommend
But love I wouldn't change a thing
You know I never could pretend

Nothing's gonna break
Nothing's gonna break us down
Nothing's gonna break us down

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar, keyboards
Michael Brodlieb - bass
Amy Bezunartea - backing vocals
Tim Foljahn - electric guitar
Kirsten McCord - cello


RUNNING START

You don't know anything at all
If you think all of this was planned
Me with my head against the wall
Yours buried in the sand

But don't you worry about it
I'm sure it only gets better
Or maybe I'm lying
Maybe you'll always regret her.

I had a running start
Yeah you're right about that
But you'd better find your mark
And I better find somewhere soft to land

Cause you don't know anything at all
No you don't know anything at all

But don't you worry about it
I'm sure it only gets better
Or maybe I’m lying
You'll probably never forget her
Oh no you'll never forget her
No you will never forget her

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar, synths
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass


HOW I WILL GET BY

I've been wondering every day
How my thoughts get so twisted and turned away
And how I will get by
Oh how I will get by

I keep my feelings all to myself
But how they spill over on to you
From up on the highest shelf
How will I get by
Oh how will I get by

Everyday I just go along
I don't know who I am anymore
I thought that I could just let it go
I really did think I could you know

I've been wondering every day
What I'm doing here
And do I have a good reason to stay

How will I get by 
How will I get by
How will I get by
How will I get by

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar
Jon Langmead - electric piano
Michael Brodlieb - bass

GOOD INTENTIONS

I don't want to go where I always go
I don't want to be where I've been

Good intentions
All the proper mentions
They're not enough to make amends
Go on finish what you started
Give up the broken hearted life
You chose to live

I don't want to go where I always go
I don't want to be where I've been

You keep thinking maybe
Today doesn't really matter
Tomorrow it comes either way
Stop your running around
Always one ear to the ground to hear what they say
You're never going to get there that way

I don't want to go where I always go
I don't want to be where I've been

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass
Richard Baluyut - electric guitar, vocals
Kendall Meade - wurlitzer

CHANGE YOUR LIFE

If you want to change your life
You're gonna have to change your mind
About what you want

About how you spend your time
You cannot afford the lies
You're telling yourself
And everyone else

If you wanna change your life
Your gonna have to take some time
To slow down and stop

All of the back and forth
You cannot begin to talk
Your way out this time
But if you make up your mind

You can change your life
Change your life
Change your life
Change your life

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, synths
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass

NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING

I stayed up late reading your reviews
No one understands you like I do

No one knows anything
No one knows anything
No one

I was just killing time trying not to think about
What was really on my mind
You and your whereabouts

No one knows anything
No one knows anything
No one

Especially not me
I still long to be
Someone who makes you happy.

I've been holding hands with someone long gone
I've been making plans but my heart it knew all along

No one knows anything
No one knows anything
No one

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, guitars
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass


ANOTHER DAY (MY CONFIDANT)


My friend, I always thought
You'd find your way out

Oh another day
So many other ways

My friend, my confidant
I want what you want

Oh another day
So many other ways 
We can change

My friend, I always thought
My friend, I always thought

Oh another day
So many other ways 
We can change

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, electric piano
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass
Amy Bezunartea - backing vocals


YOUR GUITAR

You sold your guitar
And walked down the street
To your favorite bar
Inside you found me
You told me that you 
Were tired of the beat

Tired of the beat
That drove you to be
Broke and alone
In need of relief

That drove you to drive
For millions of miles
For half-hearted smiles
Through climbers and trials
Through lovers and friends
Unbearable trends
The means and the ends
Neither of which
You can defend

You sold your guitar
And walked down the street
Got on the bus
Went home to sleep 
And never felt bad
About being free

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, wurlitzer

HERE WITH ME
(MATADOR RECORDS, 2008)

Produced by John Agnello. Recorded & Mixed by John Agnello at Headgear Studios in Brooklyn, NY, All songs by Jennifer O’Connor, Truth Love Work Music (ASCAP) Administered by Compositions of Rough Trade Publishing

THE CHURCH AND THE RIVER

Between the church and the river
My love waits for me to stand and deliver
Every promise that I've ever made
I want to keep them now
And I am not afraid

I won't let you go
Even when you run all the way home
I won't let you go
I won't let you go
Oh no

Between the church and the river
My love gives to me
She makes me a giver
I am so full of this light
It lives in my stomach
And feeds me all through the night

I won't let you go
I know you think you're safer on your own
I won't let you go
I won't let you go
Oh no....

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar, piano, organ
Darren Jessee - background vocals
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass
Mike Strandberg - electric guitar


ALWAYS IN YOUR MIND

You can go off to a distant place
You can hide inside an empty space
I can see you try
Always in your mind

Everything seems such a waste of time
When you're running loops inside an endless lie
You just say goodbye
Always in your mind

Always turning in
You're letting yourself down again
You won't be happy 'til they leave you alone
Oh that could happen sooner than you think

You could stay this way for all your years
Checking numbers and regarding fears
I can see you die
A little every time
Always in your mind
Always in your mind
Always

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar
Amy Bezunartea - backing vocals, harmonica
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass
Michael Strandberg - electric guitar
Franz Nicolay - piano, organ


DAYLIGHT OUT

I want to keep the daylight out
I'm working on this sharp shut-in
I've got this inescapable doubt now
I cannot keep from following me around

Oh baby would you tie my shoe
And could you maybe tuck me in
I need you to stay really close now
To keep me from embarrassing myself again

I'm gonna go back where I started
It's gonna be so broken-hearted
I'm gonna go back to where I began

I'm staring down an empty face
It shows up when I close my eyes
It laughs when I demand to know why
Why everyone is fine with lying all the time

I guess its just a different way
Of showing how you really feel
Put all the patterns in their place now
Let everyone pay twice for their space now

I'm gonna go back where I started
It's gonna be so broken-hearted
I'm gonna go back to where I began

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, backing vocals, acoustic & electric guitars
Amy Bezunartea - backing vocals
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass guitar, electric guitar
Michael Strandberg - electric guitar

VALLEY ROAD ‘86

From behind the sliding glass door
We were constructing a cure
For what you'd lost today
And would soon have to give away

The backyard had a curse
We stole cigarettes from Mari's purse
And smoked them all
By the big rock down the street

Your jean jacket had a frayed collar
On that midnight shopping trip that Xmas eve
We'd lie on your bed and talk for hours
I never thought you'd have to leave me

There's diamonds in the eyes
Of little girls who learn to justify
Tremendous loss
Tremendous lives

In the morning after nights when I'd sleep over 
We'd walk down the hill and take the bus to school
Valley Road 1986 December
I never will forget you
I never will forget you both
I never will forget

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar
Michael Brodlieb - bass
Michael Strandberg - electric guitar


HERE WITH ME

Misery loves the cruel way that you speak to yourself
And I love the cool way you look at me
We've got a lot of time to get this right
At least that's how I hope it's gonna be

When you go looking for a little light real late at night
And you don't like the things you see
I'll be right here waiting in the dark for your knock
Oh I want you here with me

I hold you close and whisper in your ear, "there's nothing to fear"
I know the things you want to be
I don't know if they will ever come for anyone
Oh I want you here with me

I want you here with me
I want you here with me
I want you here with me

Jennifer OConnor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitars
Jon Langmead - drums, percussion
Michael Brodlieb - bass
Michael Strandberg - electric guitar


CREDIT IN THE COST

The days slip by
I'm amazed at how fast they fly
I'm amazed at the paths I take
I feel free in this love we make

I am fine
In the time that we spend apart
I am more myself in this brand new start
Than I've ever been

Once you've got it
It's never lost
I found the credit in the cost

My words break and bend
They are falling under my feet again
My heart races at the thought of them
I want nothing more than to think of them

When we try
To be something that we know we can
It's more than just sleight of hand
We are perfect in our plainer plan

Once you've got it
It's never lost
I found the credit in the cost
Something shifted 
And I got lost
I found the credit in the cost

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar, glockenspiel 
John Agnello - backing vocals
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass guitar
Michael Strandberg - electric guitar, mandolin


HIGHWAY MILES

Your pretty picture facing down again
"You know what you have to do to win"
Everybody laughed but I could tell
It was not going well

Everyone I love has fallen off again
I try to help them but I've got no love to send
This is what I have to give today
And that is all

Everyone goes running for the door
Don't know what they think their life is for

The black-eyed truth that wakes me in the night
I toss and turn but I never get it right
I'm always late to the scene of that accident
Oh here it comes again

When I close my eyes
I see highway miles
When I go to sleep 
You're still here with me

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass
Michael Strandberg - electric guitar

LANDMINE

What could you get from a landmine
You went back there and followed the same line
Nervous and quiet yet seem fine
It's a triumph a triumph of the mind

God give you strength to be so low
You can rest here but watch what you let show
It's no place no place let your guard down
You're a statue a symbol to him now

At least that's how it feels
At least that's how it feels
At least that's how it feels
When I look at you now

What could you get from a landmine
It's a moment that’s fractured in real time
It goes over and over in my mind
And you are right there beside me every time

At least that's how it feels
At least that's how it feels
At least that's how it feels
When I think of you now

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitar
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass
Michael Strandberg - electric guitar


DAYS BECOME MONTHS

He was the best friend you'd clearly forgotten
Days became months became years
One time too many was ten times few 
We buried our hope with you

I wanna give myself to you
I wanna give it all to you
I wanna give and give to you

Can we be better than we have been to each other
I hope we can, I hope we do
If this makes a difference
Means something to someone
One time in a million
Oh that'll do

I wanna give myself to you
I wanna give it all to you
I wanna give and give to you

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar
Amy Bezunartea - background vocals
Michael Brodlieb - bass guitar
Michael Strandberg - electric guitar
Franz Nicolay - piano, accordian


END OF THE HALL

At the end of the hall
The slow light creeps in 
Your head is against the wall
And my feet are dangling

When I think that I know something for sure
I'm usually wrong
There's nothing here to be careful of 
I'm just sick of it all

Summer's coming
Spring is almost gone
I can feel the ending
Before I start the song
It's almost gone

I walk down your street
And think about her
My shoes are too tight
And my fingers burn

When I get really sick of myself
I go to sleep
I stack up the magazines in a neat pile by the door
Then I sleep some more

Summer's coming
Spring is almost gone
I can feel the ending
Before I start the song

I'll keep running
God knows for how long
I can feel it coming
It's almost gone

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar
Jon Langmead - percussion
Michael Brodlieb - bass guitar
Michael Strandberg - electric guitar


XMAS PARTY

I went to a party
It was a Xmas party
Everyone was having fun
Not everyone was with someone

And not everyone was pretty
Not everyone was thin
I think you're pretty ugly
For turning into one of them

I don't need your words to sell me
'Cause I've got a dictionary 
Of ideas for you to try
So stop wasting all my time
I'm tired of getting by......
It's just not my idea of a good time

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass guitar
Michael Strandberg - electric guitar

NEXT TO MINE

I can do most anything
Lately I don't feel afraid
I see the world around us
The noise in my head fades

I keep falling in love
Every day with you
And I remember who I was
But just barely
And that's the truth

Early in the morning
You get that sad look in your eyes
You're looking for an answer
That you're never gonna find

Let it in then let it go
Move along that line
That's the only way
I've tried all kinds

It helps to have you by my side
I hope it helps that you're next to mine

Jennifer O'Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar
Jon Langmead - drums
Michael Brodlieb - bass
Michael Strandberg - electric guitar

OVER THE MOUNTAIN, ACROSS THE VALLEY AND BACK TO THE STARS
(MATADOR RECORDS, 2006)

Produced by Jennifer O’Connor
Recorded & mixed by Jim Bentley at The Fort, Brooklyn, NY
All songs by Jennifer O’Connor, Truth Love Work Music (ASCAP) Administered by Compositions of Rough Trade Publishing

CENTURY ESTATES

Maybe she’s on her lunch break thinking of you
Or typing words on a screen flashing black and blue
God keeps us guessing and I’ve been guessing hard
There’s hardly a word to screw this hurt
back into the stars

I dream vacations and arguments plucked from a vine
I lost my keys in the vacuum of your worried mind
I can’t move from sleeping and sleeping 
is the way that I move
Over the mountain, across the valley and back to you

Please report me missing to the sheriff of Century Estates
I’m not going to listen and I won’t feign escape
God keeps us guessing and I’ve been guessing hard

Over the Mountain, Across the Valley and Back to the Stars
Over the Mountain, Across the Valley and Back to the Stars

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitars
Jon Langmead - drums
James McNew - bass
Kendall Meade - keyboards


DIRTY CITY BLUES

I don't want to breathe if I can't breathe here next to you
I am a middle-aged photographer with nothing left to shoot
I'm going to wipe away the dirt from all these dirty city blues
I'm going to try now I'll try now not to lose

If the microphone is broken I will scream in the street
I will love you like the woodpecker can only love the tree
I feel the wasted afternoon trying to clamp its teeth in me
I'm going to try now I'll try now to be free

Counting backwards from thirty to one
Everything looks perfect in the sun
I can't let you turn away and run
Oh come on now come on baby come on now

I see you sitting on the dock
So young and so carefree
Wrapped up in some summer story
Water covering your feet
Inside a time when I knew you
The same as you knew me
I'm going to try now I'll try now to believe

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals,  electric guitar
Britt Daniel - background vocals
Jon Langmead - drums
James McNew - bass
Kendall Meade - keyboards


EXETER, RHODE ISLAND

I’ve driven through every end of the state today
I cross little towns and empty fields just the same
I drop them off at the airport
And make my way back home
I drive through Exeter, Rhode Island all alone

The radio plays a power pop song
it keeps me company like a friend
I travel down 102 South and want
to kiss your mouth again
The song goes “Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ooh-Ah-Ooh-Ah-Oh”
I drive through Exeter Rhode Island all alone.

When I pick up the phone to call you
The line it goes all static and I can’t get through
But it doesn’t matter ‘cause I’m on my way
Oh, I’m on my way home to see you

Then I daydream about a house in this little town
where I could live and grow old
I’ll forget all my prospects and all of the places that 
I have yet to go
I’ll get a job at a yard and maybe a love of my own
I drive through Exeter Rhode Island all alone

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, electric guitar
Britt Daniel - background vocals
Jon Langmead - drums
Len Small - bass
Kendall Meade - keyboards
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar


SISTER

N train going home
I am here alone
Night falls on city skin
That's closed off and withering
And I've been thinking of your face
The last time that we embraced
It feeds me while I count stars
From the back of this subway car

Sister, what can I do
Sister, I miss you

And he calls twice a week
Just to hear me speak
And we don't talk about
What's gone or who's left without
And it's a stone's throw to a black flower
It's got me counting every hour
When a phone rings late at night
There's no way it's ever going to be right
Ever again

Sister, what can I do
Sister, I miss you

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic/electric guitar
Jon Langmead - drums
Len Small - bass
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar


TODAY

An ocean of longing
I spit out the song and
I laugh with the tide that rolls in goes out
A bookshelf casts shadows
They dance out my window
The kids in the neighborhood scream and shout

Today, today
Today I stop guessing and give you my heart
Today, today
Today is a blessing
You're far and I'm missing you
I can't wait to be with you if only to say
Stay, stay

A puzzle of pieces
Mixed and unequal
I try to make sense of the shapes as they shift
I'm keeping a record
Desires that I can't afford
I hope to receive each one as a gift

Today, today
Today I stop guessing and give you my heart
Today, today
Today is a blessing
You're far and I'm missing you
I can't wait to be with you if only to say
Stay, stay

Put your hand in mine
Just like you do all the time
In a room with the door closed
In a room when we're all alone

If there's a method to madness
And secrets bring sadness
I'll draw up a map we can leave today
Forget all the messes
We'll change our addresses
If there's one thing I know
It's how to run away

Today, today
Today I stop guessing and give you my heart
Today, today
Today is a blessing
You're far and I'm missing you
I can't wait to be with you if only to say
Stay, stay

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar


BULLSHIT MAZE

Let’s take a walk we need to talk
Oh there’s a lot that I’ve been keeping 
to myself for far too long
I know it’s wrong you’re always asking 
what I think and what I thought
and if it ever gets to be too much for me 
Oh yes it does oh yes it does

Let’s have a drink maybe a few
Oh there’s a lot of things I need to say to you
Like why I start and then I stop
Just short of getting to the top
of where I want to really be 
With you or not, maybe just me 

Once in a while I stop
In this bullshit maze that I run
I look at my feet and then 
I look up at the sun
I wonder to myself
If I’m having any fun
And then I run
And start again

I’m out of breath most every day
Can’t stop the racing in my heart or in my brain
I think I’m sick I think I’m well
It’s never that easy to tell
Except for you - you always do
Just stop this shit, that’s what you say
I hear it each and every single day
And you don’t have to say a thing
No you don’t have to say a thing
I can hear, oh I can hear you anyway

Once in a while I stop
In this bullshit maze that I run
I look at my feet and then
I look up at the sun
I wonder to myself
If I’m having any fun
And then I run
And start again

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitars, percussion
Jon Langmead - drums
James McNew - bass
Kendall Meade - background vocals
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar


COMPLICATED RHYME

Oh it's a complicated rhyme
A bad transmission on borrowed time
A morning spent on your own
With too much coffee and a telephone
You navigate the lapse
Between what's coming and what has passed
A complicated rhyme
A bumpy ride through space and time

And I want to know what you would do
If I came around and said to you
"We could make everything much easier
We could start over, darling
We could make everything brand new"

Oh there's a price you have to pay
For wanting everything your own way
I pay it every day
And I'm not proud of that anyway
I put in so much time
Breaking down this complicated rhyme
I think I'm losing my mind
And I miss you baby all of the time

And I want to know what you would do
If I came around and said to you
"We could make everything much easier
We could start over, darling
We could make everything brand new"

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitars
Jon Langmead - drums
James McNew - bass
Kendall Meade - background vocals
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar
Margaret White - violin
Jim Bentley - castanets


I WAS SO WRONG

Shoot me down again I understand
Why you think I lie
Why you think I'm fine
Why you think I tried to destroy our love

Everybody has to find the time to ask themselves
What would really help
And should I really tell
Oh baby I'm sorry
I was so wrong
I was so wrong

You came into my life so suddenly
And I remember your face
like it was yesterday
And it was me you saved
Oh baby I'm sorry
I was so wrong
I was so wrong
I was so wrong

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitars
Jon Langmead - drums
James McNew - bass
Kendall Meade - keyboards
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar


TURN IT DOWN

When your nerves are shot
And you jump at every sound
And you know what it is
But you can't just turn it down
You ask for clarity
As you try to light a match
And your mind goes dark
Waiting for the flame to catch
You feel so strange
Like your head's up in the clouds
And you'd break your back
Just to hear her say out loud

"Oh it's okay
I know why you had to go away
And I hate you most of the time
But I'll try to forgive you anyway
Yes I'll try to forgive you anyway"

When the day drops in
And you're still on last night
You can tell yourself it's cool
But you know it ain't alright
Because you're looking for something
You know you'll never find
It happens every day
And you always change your mind
Like your mind's a thing
That you ever could control
And you watched me trip into every single hole

But hey, it's okay
You know why I had to go away
And you hate me most of the time
But you'll try to forgive me anyway
You'll try to forgive me anyway

Oh please just tell me how to
'Cause I don't know how to be on my own

Oh it's been keeping me up
And when I sleep you're in my dreams
And it's always really strange
And I don't know what it means
I hate myself because I know
Why it went wrong
And it breaks my heart
Like a beautiful, sad song
The kind you hear
When you think you've finally found
The way to block it all out
But you can't just turn it down

Oh baby, please say
"I know why you had to go away
And I hate you most of the time
But I'll try to forgive you anyway
Yes I'll try to forgive you anyway
Oh I'll try to forgive you today"

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, electric guitar, distoro wurlitzer, maracas
Jon Langmead - drums
James McNew - bass
Kendall Meade - background vocals
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar


PERFECT MATCH

Here's a story that you never can erase
And everyone is looking at your dirty face
Do yourself a favor
Just get out of this place

I've got half a mind to show up where I should not be
The other half knows that you're just plain fucking with me
I'm a glutton for punishment
And baby you're so empty

And I think that makes us
A perfect match
I've got that same itch
It never helps to scratch

Here's a problem that you never seem to fix
I see you reaching for your same old bag of tricks
Oh you strip down naked
Waiting for that crucifix

And I could track you down like everyone before
Make you love me then show myself the door
It's so easy going in
When you know the final score

And I think that makes us
A perfect match
I've got that same itch
It never helps to scratch

And I wonder what would happen if I
I just let go
I wonder what would happen if I
I told you no
No-o-o-o-o

There's a reason that we're sitting here again
Talking about the same things we did way back then
You could be anyone
As long as you don't let me in

And I think that makes us
A perfect match
I've got that same itch
It never helps to scratch

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar
Jon Langmead - drums
James McNew - bass
Kendall Meade - wurlitzer
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar


TONIGHT WE RIDE

Tonight we ride, aim high
Shoot the bright lights right out of the sky
Patchwork quilts below cover everything
like ice and snow

And baby we'll get so high
I hope we never come down
This is where I want to stay
I think we should live here
Way up in the stratosphere
Every minute of every day
Oh I want to stay

Tonight's the night and we know
This is not happenstance
Oh this is an overthrow!
The kingdom failed and they lied
So we must seize their power
And climb right back inside

And baby we'll get so high
I hope we never come down
Oh this is where I want to stay
I think we should live here
Way up in the stratosphere
Every minute of every day
Oh I wanna stay

Tonight we ride, aim high
Shoot the bright lights right out of the sky
Patchwork quilts below cover everything
like ice and snow

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar
Jon Langmead - drums
James McNew - bass


I’LL BRING YOU HOME

I believe in every word that you have spoken
And I’ve been a witness to all the hearts you’ve broken
And I sat up with you all night drinking and smoking
And I just can’t believe this you must be joking

I’ll pick you up when you fall down
I know the way to our hometown
And I think you’re lost
Come on I’ll bring you home
Come on let’s go

There’s people hurting people everywhere I turn and it makes me cry
I watched you sleeping in your bed so sick you couldn’t even say goodbye
And if she’s watching us like I think she does
I hope she sees how hard we tried
To be like parts of her so different but so perfectly aligned

And I’ll pick you up when you fall down
I know the way to our hometown
And I think you’re lost
Come on Ill bring you home
Come on let’s go

I like to remember
All those summers
Green hills and the dogs
Moving cars and open windows
lakes and trees and farms
We were never going far

Maybe one day all of this will make sense to me and you
Until then we just keep on doing all the things we always do
I just hope you know how much I care
I just hope you know

I’ll pick you up when you fall down
I know the way to our hometown
And I think you’re lost
Come on I’ll bring you home
Come on let’s go

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitar, bass
Jon Langmead - drums
Kendall Meade - background vocals, wurlitzer
Margaret White - background vocals
Vinnie Scorziello - background vocals
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar
Singers on final chorus: Ben Morrison, Tory Harris, Matthew Carlin, Clay Andrews, Dave Levin, Debora Francis, Margaret White, Clint Asay, Bill Johnson, Rachel McIntosh, Max Low, Kendall Meade, Lucy Hurst, Matt McDonald, Cami Boyd, James Botha, Sandro Olivieri, Sam Brown, Andy Snyder, Sonny Aronson, Arabella Kauffman








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THE COLOR AND THE LIGHT
(RED PANDA RECORDS, 2005)

Produced, recorded & mixed by Al Weatherhead at Sound of Music & Al’s House, Richmond, VA
All songs by Jennifer O’Connor, Truth Love Work Music (ASCAP) Administered by Compositions of Rough Trade Publishing

BEG OR BORROW DAYS

I’m going to find myself a brand new skin
Make myself a heroine
Climb up from the depths of sin
Again again again

I’m going to walk ‘til I can’t feel my feet
Up and down this narrow street
I’ll make big plans while I’m asleep
Then I’ll watch them all come true

‘Cause I’ve changed my ways
And I won’t go back to beg or borrow days
I’ve changed my ways
And I know that everything will be ok

Not going to listen to your bad advice
I’ve got no time left for sacrifice
I won’t smile pretty I won’t play nice
For you or anyone

I’m going to drink black coffee all night long
Until I write the perfect song
I won’t give up if chords are wrong
And words don’t fit or rhyme

‘Cause I’ve changed my ways
And I won’t go back to beg or borrow days
I’ve changed my ways
And I know that everything will be ok
I know where going to find our way
And it really doesn’t matter what you say

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitars
Miguel Urbiztondo - drums
John Daniels - bass
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar


DRIVING THROUGH

Your feeling so sentimental
Passing the parking lots and frozen lakes
In your hometown
Where there’s no one there to
Keep you from making the same mistakes

You’ve been driving all day with the sun in your eyes
Living dead people’s former lives
You ask them but they do not reply

But sometime’s they speak to you through songs
And you have got the radio turned on
They’re singing hallelujah, hallelu
Oh I love you, I love you
hallelujah, hallelu
But is this the best you can do
Is this the best you can do

The DJ is playing all of American Water today
It helps a little driving through the places where you used to stay
The one with the long driveway
The one with the big red gate
The one you left that final fateful day

Here it comes that perfect song
The one where people go and then they’re gone

I know you’d love me anyway
I know you’d love me anyway
But I want to do better for you
I want to do better in every way

Then I can go back and smile at all I see
I’d go back and I will smile at everything
And it will be so easy on me
It will be so easy on everybody

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, electric guitar
Miguel Urbiztondo - drums
John Daniels - bass
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar, keyboards

THE COLOR AND THE LIGHT

When I asked you the way out of here
You told me that nothing you could say
would make me disappear
And I guess I knew that you were right
So we had a drink and then a fight
It lasted the better part of the night

I told you that I wanted to be like
The color and the light
Filling up everything with
the brightest kind of bright
You just smiled at me the way you do
When you don't want to break my heart in two
And I keep looking back to you

If we take three steps forward and then a couple back
We’ll still be ahead of the game Ii not quite on track
Color fades and light does bend
but you will always be my friend
Until the bitter end

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar, piano
Miguel Urbiztondo - drums
John Daniels - bass
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar


HOLE IN THE ROAD

There's a hole in the road
I forget every time
And the impact it shocks me
Right out of my mind
When I'm thinking of you
And the way that you left
Leaving all of us wishing
We had taken that step
And said hello, said we cared
Hadn't been frozen scared
By a beauty so painful
And so underprepared to endure

And if your memory had a timeline
I'd know right where to begin
Driving down that road in Georgia
When the first chords started in
They hit me like an arrow
A ray of light from the sun
And I didn't know I was a target
'Til you made me feel like one
And I was hit in the heart
A bright blue shot in the dark
And I knew right then what I had to end
And what I had to start

It's only been one week
Who knows how many will follow
I can only hope that the air in this room
Becomes a little bit easier to swallow
Maybe tomorrow

There's a hole in the road
And I guess I'm not surprised
Even though I thought they'd fixed it
Since the last time we drove by
But you can never be too careful
Keep your eyes open wide
And maybe next time you'll remember to
Remember every time
And I hope that you're okay
And I'm sorry that you couldn't stay
And if I ever have the chance again
I'll know exactly what to say

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitar
Miguel Urbiztondo - drums
John Daniels - bass
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar, keyboards


SAVED

Tears well up inside a dream
A picture that I’ve never seen
In waking life
It’s you and he and a guitar
Shining like the northern star

And I know that I’m saved
I know that I’m saved

Four years passed the dreams still come
But I no longer hide or run into the light
Just keep my eyes closed tight to see
Everything you are to me

And I know that I’m saved
I know that I’m saved
Oh by you
Your truth
And I don’t need any kind of proof

The summer knows no sympathy
Its heat it won’t relinquish me
From that day
Life and death a brittle mess
That won’t let go or let me rest
And I know that I’m saved

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar
Al Weatherhead - strings, keyboards


YER COPOUT

There’s a million ways to get lost and never find your out
A million ways to get water wtihin an August drought
If you don’t have the wherewithal to figure that one out
You’d better give it up right now
And settle in with your copout

Oh these times are really tough
There is pain and there is sorrow
There’s always time to lend
And there is money you can borrow
So why do today what you can always do tomorrow
Let someone else put their foot forward
You will follow
Today

And if tomorrow is the sun
We are stuck here on the moon
And there is nobody around who’s gonna make you leave this room
And you don’t want to go
You don’t want to go
Because you don’t want to know

There’s a million ways to get lost and never find your way out
When the things you do say nothing to
Define what your about
The devil’s got his hooks in you
You’re his without a doubt
You’d better give it up right now
And settle in with your copout

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitar
Miguel Urbiztondo - drums
John Daniels - bass
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar, keyboards


READY TO GO

If you want to push me, I think I’m ready to go
If you want to blame me, I think I’m ready to know
What you really think of me
What you really want to see and don’t

If you want to hurt me, I think I’m ready for pain
If you want to shame me, it’s a pretty easy game
All you have to do is say, what you really want to say
And don’t

And if you want to get through to me
I think the time is coming soon
Oh I can feel the opening
I can feel the opening in me

And if you want to trust me but just don’t think that you can
If you want to fix me, go ahead we’ll make a plan
I know what you want to say, I know what you need to say and don’t

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic, glockenspiel
Al Weatherhead - keyboards, guitars

WHY DON’T YOU DO

Why don’t you do the thing you’ve been talking about today
You’ve got seven hours left before we fly away
And I’ll pack your bags while you work
And I will hold your hand on the plane
And then I’ll watch you write the same lines
Over and over again just to keep your mind sane

Why don’t you do the thing you’ve been talking about
For so long
Why don’t you do it today
Why don’t you do it today

We’re all here for you and we all love you
We’re all here for you and we all know why you do what you do

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitar
Miguel Urbiztondo - drums
John Daniels - bass
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar, keyboards


MILLION DOLLAR SMILE

Million dollar smile where are you now
I’ve got a couple thousand in my mouth
But you are you are so mean and trouble grey
You are so mean and trouble

Always the perfect to the perfect day
My car break down you pick me up on your way
But you are you are so mean and trouble grey
You are so mean and trouble

You are talking
You are moving so slow
There is nothing more to learn from you
You told it all

Million dollar smile where are you now
I keep a photograph of you in my crown
But you are you are so mean and trouble grey
You are you are so mean and trouble

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitar, piano
Miguel Urbiztondo - drums
John Daniels - bass
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar, keyboards


The Thought Of You

I wrote a letter to you today
You’ll never get it ‘cause I threw it away
I asked forgiveness for trying to make you stay
But I knew you didn’t want to go
But it was still wrong this I know

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen your face
I kind of hope that we never get to that place
I like to think that we are running our own race
In some kind of parallel divide
The kind that real life can’t provide
But I will always think you lied

And this is how I think of you
When I’m alone in a stranger’s room
In a southern town we once drove through
So many years ago
So I just thought I wouldn’t let you know

I wrote a letter there was so much to say
I wrote in circles until the words became a game to play
I guess I knew that it would never reach you anyway
Because my love never was for you
But just for something that I thought you knew
About how winners sometimes lose
And losers never really have to choose

That was never quite so clear
As when you’d come and then just disappear
You are still my biggest fear
And I have got a few
But nothing scares me like you do
No nothing scares me like the thought of you

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar


HOPEFUL

There’s a light through the window
In our living room and it makes me smile
And you are sleeping in the bedroom
And I’m still half asleep myself
It is early in the morning and it’s your day off
but I’ve gotta go
And I wish that I could stay here with you all day

Pretty soon the stars and moon
Will come back and bring the night
Pretty soon we’ll sing a tune
That will make the day feel all right
We are hopeful
Full of hope tonight

I’ve got this friend that I see sometimes
Not as much as I’d really like
We used to hang around and play our songs
Until they played themselves

I know it’s useless to discriminate
Between the things you love
And the things you hate
It doesn’t get you any closer
To what you really want

So I tell my friend I loved him then
And I love him even more today
It feels good just having said
The thing that I want to say
I’m so grateful
’Cause I know that’s the only way

Pretty soon the stars and moon
Will come back and bring the night
Pretty soon we’ll sing a tune
That will make the day feel all right
We are hopeful
Full of hope tonight

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar
Miguel Urbiztondo - drums
John Daniels - bass
Al Weatherhead - electric guitar


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JENNIFER O’CONNOR
(KIAM RECORDS 2002)

Produced by Jennifer O’Connor
Recorded & mixed by Ken Faulkenberry at AudioLab Studios, Tampa, FL
All songs by Jennifer O’Connor, Truth Love Work Music (ASCAP) Administered by Compositions of Rough Trade Publishing

BLESSED THE HAND

Oh blessed the hand
We have been good
And we understand
That everyday sun can matter to none
if rain is our pride

Oh Mari my god
We have been still
But we have too lied
The Sampsonite dread
The things that were said
the memory that died

I don't want to be a false hope to thee
I want you stay
and see how I know I can turn out to be

Oh let it all go
Something so sweet
For something so slow
The difference is now
The hands of my clothes
The covers and sand
That each of us know
The letter unsent
And the shaking regret
Of having not tried

I don't want to be a false hope to thee
I want you to stay
and see how I know I can turn out to be

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitars

YOU DID

Take your photographs
and don't say you'll be back
‘cause I know I know you won't
It's a little thing I learned last time
oh last time we met
Last time I did not forget

I've been counting off the ways
on dirty fingers all day
And I keep glancing up the stairs
every oh every chance I get

Last time I did not forget
But you did

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitars

SISTER

N train going home
I am here alone
Night falls on city skin
That's closed off and withering
And I've been thinking of your face
The last time that we embraced
It feeds me while I count stars
From the back of this subway car

Sister, what can I do
Sister, I miss you

And he calls twice a week
Just to hear me speak
And we don't talk about
What's gone or who's left without
And it's a stone's throw to a black flower
It's got me counting every hour
When a phone rings late at night
There's no way it's ever going to be right
Ever again

Sister, what can I do
Sister, I miss you

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar

PINK FLORIDA

Pink sun I'm done
I won't come here again
I am so tired
I slept for 12 hours last night

Your hands soothe the hardest parts
The pink remove that mends the studied art

Sunscreen fails me
I'm as pink as a candy
I love some things
Some things break and tear me

Your hands soothe the hardest parts
The pink remove that mends the studied art

Pink Florida
Pink Florida

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar, glockenspiel


ANNIE

Well I tried but I lied to you
I don't need a lot of answers
I don't take a lot of chances it’s true

2 years back from the farm
A city life that's doing me harm
A job and a train and folks who don't know my name
This city's got me blue

Annie can't you see
that we have been down this road before
With all the shaded dances
and all the failed romances in store
Where every day is the same
Feelings that we fail to name
Annie we can do it cause baby we have done it
Oh we've done it before

Annie I've got your best wishes in my back pocket forevermore
And a hope that doesn't falter
no matter what's to come or has before

This could be our reason
as good as any reason can get
This could mean the freedom
to do what we have not done yet
It couldn't be any clearer
Oh baby won't you look in the mirror
Nothing's gonna change until we cannot stay the same
and yes it's for the better

Annie I've got your best wishes in my back pocket forevermore
And a hope that doesn't falter no matter what's to come or has before

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar



SPIDERS AND HANDGRENADES

Take my hand
We're getting out of here
We can hide
From those people who want our lives
I wanted to be with you
And that's the truth

I'm not afraid of spiders or handgrenades
I've lost my fear
And I will call all your bluffs my dear
Cause i wanted to be with you
and that's the truth

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitar

PERFECTION IS NOT AN ACCIDENT

She said shoot me twice I won’t die the first time
I’m resilient and full of pride
I don't believe in bullets and bad bad dreams
I am not what you think you see

Oh I will say goodbye
But I won't say you're out of my mind
I know that my will just won't
my will just won't survive

It takes practice to be perfect in every way
I know that is what you would say
And I see that you're right about most every thing
You are practically shimmering

Oh I will say goodbye
But I won't say you're out of my mind
I know that my will just won't
my will just won't survive

Take me back to my bed where I feel safe and warm
I don't know what to do today
Oh there's no time and too much time at the same
I have lost my ability

Oh I will say goodbye
But I won't say you're out of my mind
I know that my will just won't
my will just won't survive

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitar

BEGGAR’S CUP

Flu-ridden days
Sleep past my stop
Can't say enough about what you've got
And I feel lonely today
But nothing is wrong
I guess I'm ok about where I stand

I know the shake of your beggar's cup
I recognize the sound of you giving up
I can hear it Oh i hear it
I hear it from two towns away

We wake every day as if we are frozen to death
And I can't say I blame you for being upset
With the ways and the means
of all these days in between
But it don't matter much now
Do you know what I mean

I know the shake of your beggar's cup
I recognize the sound of you giving up
I can hear it Oh I hear it
I hear it from two towns away

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitar, keyboards

FALLING TOWERS


Jump first and don't ask questions
First place to all who come
This is the town of futures
We hear the starting gun

We don't pray to a higher power
We just watch out for falling towers

Your song that keeps me holy
The greatest love of all
I miss the ceremony
Of every spring and fall

We don't pray to a higher power
We just watch out for falling towers

Jump first and don't ask questions
First place to all who come
This is the town of futures
We hear the starting gun

Kim Reinhardt - spoken word intro
Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic, keyboard

WINTER SONG

Could this be the last snow of the season
Or just another very good reason to stay indoors
Keeping score
Of what I want less in my life and what I want more

I guess I could call you up and
tell you all my thoughts about our biggest mistakes
The second-hand breaks of a girl who don't know what she wants and then cries when its fake

But you know I won't let go
Until you say I should
You know I steal the show
Just so you can see me shine

It's cold and it's getting colder but
You should know that I'm getting older and
I'm really all right
If just for tonight
The view of the world that you hold in your heart
It's a beautiful sight

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic & electric guitar


WHAT IF I’M RIGHT

I've left so many times
it's hard for me to find a place I can call home
I've done it with my love and I've done it with no one that I could call my own
Each time it is the same
I find that nothing's really changed
Nothing you can show
It's the itch you cannot scratch
The burning of the lack
Everywhere you go

What if I am right
What if I am true
What if it is not enough for you

Did I leave it far behind on the New York subway line or in her lover's hair
Will I find it on the shore in this southern city bore I hardly recognize
Cause I've seen it in his eyes and in the long goodbyes from here to falling rock
Oh I know that it won't quit
that we won't hear the end of it
until the day we die

What if I am right
What if I am true
And what if it is not enough for you

So give it all you've got love
Don't look to what you had
I think that you will find love
It's not so bad

Jennifer O’Connor - vocals, acoustic guitar & keyboard & melodica